Darkness and Light: A Tantra Perspective
Let's dive deep into the shadow work through a Tantra perspective to uncover your healing within. This episode is powerful for you to unleash your creative courage. Finally, kick start and deepen the healing work that you have been avoiding.
Some of the topics I cover in this episode include important Tantra rituals and planetary shifts such as the new moon, full moon, mercury retrograde, and all of the powerful astrological events where the energy upsurge is potent for transformation. In these times, showing up for your sacred work, knowing the darkness, and inviting the light is a game changer.
Sanskrit references mentioned in this episode: Navratri, Kali Chaudas
Book recommendation: The Mountain is You by Brianna Wiest
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Your healing is hidden in the experiences you are avoiding. Your magic is hidden in the stories you are suppressing. This statement is not just a phrase or a quote, it's a mantra to understand, the depth of your darkness and light. Your darkness is the path you avoid. You travel less and you often continue to hide it. And when you continue to hide it for so long, you develop multiple identities, one for your family, one for the partner, one for a friend, one for the work, one for yourself, and it continues. The more you avoid these shadows, the more you strengthen these multiple identities. Our true blooming lies dormant in these unexplored, unresolved, and unconscious spaces. As we dive into this sacred conversation together, please remember, facing your darkness is not about living in darkness. It's about understanding it. It's about bringing light to the parts of you that need it the most.
In this personal episode, you and I will explore how turning toward your fear, your pain, your hidden wounds with compassion and curiosity can be a very transformative experience, leading you to a state of freedom, calmness, clarity. So, take a deep breath, relax the body, open your heart, open your mind, and be ready to embrace the new possibilities, new beginnings in this sacred work of darkness and light. I'm Chandresh Bhardwaj, and this is Leela Gurukul. Namaste everyone, I hope you're feeling easy, cozy, and grounded. I'm excited to share my experiences, my thoughts, insights on shadow and light. And my true hope is by the end of this episode, you will arrive at some powerful conclusion about why you do what you do, and how you can make a U-turn, how you can create a plot twist, and finally live your desires. Finally, live your true potential.
In the last episode at the end of the episode, I mentioned that I'm going to do the one-on-ones very selective, and I'll focus more on the tribe and the Tantra Mastermind. Many students, students reached out. So, are we going to stop working together? I heard the episode, and I'm going to use that example to talk about this work because there is a reason why I'm shifting my work structure and the reason I'm sharing it, because I strongly feel the more I dive deeper, the more it'll inspire my tribe to go deeper. If I sit on the surface and give you the greatest teachings to dive deeper, I don't think it's going to happen. It has never happened that way. The way my journey has always evolved, nothing has shifted in my tribe until I have shifted it in my own journey. And that's so amazing and powerful because when I go deeper into something I already know some students are going to actually do it too. It's the energetic relationship I feel I have with the tribe.
It's a beautiful one because it keeps me alert, attentive, and aware of the conscious responsibility I have, that the more I own my truth, the more it'll empower my students to own their truth. I can't empower them if I'm not ready to face my own truth. And from one story comes another story. So, before I go into the personal reason why I'm shifting the works structure, I want to talk about something that I grew up knowing about Mahatma Gandhi, the leader from India. My father practiced in this city called Ahmedabad. It's in Gujarat where Gandhi's house still is. You can go there and explore how he lived. You'll see his study table, his pen notebook, everything is there and it's obviously a site to experience. I would go there every year and my father, after he moved from northern India and he had to move out because of political unrest in the very initial years of his practice, and he moved to this city called Ahmedabad, where Gandhi Ashram his houses. And a lot of local people, they know stories about Gandhi because that's his roots.
One of the most fascinating story, which I don't even think I shared ever on podcasts, but I've shared it in public talks many, many times. Gandhi used to host weekly gatherings and meetings and people really looked up to him, especially younger crowd. He was, he still is an idol for so many. And one day there was a mother with her little son. She shows up there and she said Babu, they used to call him Babu, which means father, and this is why he's called father of the nation. He was the universal father, national father. So she said, "Babu, I brought my son with me. I need your help with him. He eats too much sugar, too many candies, and it's starting to hurt him. His teeth are starting to show signs of cavities. My husband has diabetes and I know he's not going to listen to anyone, but he's going to listen to you." And Gandhi looks at the little boy and he said, "Okay, thank you for letting me know. Why don't you come after two weeks or one month?"
She said, "I come from far. I had to change three buses to be here. I won't be able to come in two weeks or a month. I don't have the money or the whole process takes a lot." And he said, "I can't tell anything to your son today. You have to come back in two weeks or a month." And the woman was obviously disappointed in Gandhi. And the story I heard was that the woman complained to his people that I don't think he's any sage or saint. He's making a woman travel all the way again, and all he needs to is just tell my son, stop eating candies, and my son will stop eating that. My son considers him like a God. And she was unhappy, pissed off. And yeah, she went back home and I'm sure the little kid didn't stop eating sugar because she came back within one month and she was still angry.
And she said, "Babu, I'm back. And today I need you to tell him because if you don't, I am going to be really, really disappointed and I'm never going to be back here." And Babu was like, "Yeah, no worries. Where is he?" And he told the little kid, stop eating sugar. And the little kid said, "Okay." And Babu said, "When are you going to stop eating sugar?" He said, "That's it from now onward." And Gandhi extended his hand. He shook his hand, gave him a hug, and he said, "Great, and spend rest of the day here, play, have food, and no sweets, no candies." And Gandhi was known for his strong discipline over sexual energy, sweets, food, even tea, caffeine. I mean, there's many interesting stories about that. Anyway, Gandhi said this. The boy was on the same page. He agreed, and the woman, the mother should be happy, but she was still a little off. She said, "That's exactly what you needed to do a few weeks ago, but you did not. Can I ask you why?" And he said, "I of course couldn't do it a few weeks ago.
I was consuming a lot of sugar myself a few weeks ago. How could I tell your son to stop eating something that I was addicted to? So, I first had to check that if it's even possible, but your son taught me that it is possible, and this is why I'm able to do the same with your son." I recall this story so many times because the harsh truth is the hypocrisy exists in the spiritual world, in the spiritual work. And I never ever want to be the guy who's still eating sugar and telling you to stop eating sugar. And if there are stories and experiences or lessons I have not shared with you, that's because I'm still working on stopping that sugar addiction. I'm still working on those lessons that I'm not sharing with you because I do feel, and this is my personal take on life, that I want to share experiences and stories with you where I feel I've learned something. If I start to share something that is still in the wounded space, then I'm sharing it from that wounded unconscious energy, and that becomes a therapy session.
I may be able to release a lot in the podcast, but it doesn't give you much. So, the fun way for me is to work on my own unconscious parts, learn, heal, resolve, and then come to you. And I can tell you one thing, there's a strong chance you're going to learn and hear some really uncomfortable, powerful lessons in the journey that's coming forward. On a personal level, I'm stepping into dismantling and canceling the karmic contracts that I never, ever, never, ever thought of course, too early to even mention. But it's happening. And those who are listening, I want you to take a moment to just send me the love, the courage, the softness I need to take these steps because I need that. And I know many of you listen deeply. Many of you feel me deeply. So, do me a favor, send me that love and courage because the time to end certain contracts is here. I'm not uncomfortable. I'm excited, I'm emotional, but I know the time is here and I'm excited to share how that unfolds in the coming months.
Now, coming to the main story that I was at that I shared, I'm changing the work model, and my students started asking me, so does that mean our work is done? You're not going to take new clients or renew the program. I want to share why I am doing it and what it means for you and for the students who are interested in diving deeper, not just with me, but in their own healing journey. My first memory of working in the spiritual space on a professional level goes back to seventh grade. I was in sixth or seventh grade where I would write the horoscope for my dad, for my father, and he's my teacher. So, I became his sort of assistant. Never got paid to do that work, but and I admit, I also volunteered because I enjoyed that space so much. My father has always been on South Asian media, be it radio, TV, newspapers, and in those days, there was a lot of work to be done. So, one of his weekly submission was about horoscopes that how it's going to be for you this particular week.
And he trained me to tap into certain astrological signs and write about how their week is going to be, and then he'll obviously proofread it and then it'll go into certain websites, newspapers. So, that became my fun thing, and I would do it every day. That's my first memory of actually stepping in to do some professional level of work. And I was in seventh or eighth grade. After I moved to New York, that was after 12th grade, I started working in his office and I would assist help in the clientele work and everything. So, I don't have a memory of my life when I was not actually doing the work from teenage till now. And I full-time stepped into this work in 2009, and this is 2023. So, 14 years have passed doing this work on a full-time basis.
And I've always stuck to one clear business model, one way of offering my work. And that was a one-on-one where I would speak to students on one-on-one level, and sometimes now it's a proper well-structured program, but it started with simply scheduling a session whenever a student wants to. So, it was random all over the place, but I enjoyed the connection, the experience, and I continued with it. And on the way, retreats, speaking experiences, creating meditation programs, drug rehab, all of that happened. I taught at drug rehab for 12 years out of these 14 years. So, a lot of powerful stuff happened. But one thing did not change my one-on-one space. And I admit many times I would feel exhausted and depleted with one-on-one, especially when I'm working with someone where the alignment is not there and I would think about leaving this work and doing something else.
And again, I would come back to that place. And then one day I decided maybe I can fire some clients and shift my energy. And I did that. That was great. Then I started working with business guides, creative coaches, and I learned a lot about shifting energy into the business space. So, I started defining, refining how I want to show up for my clients, what kind of clients I want to work with. And that was, again, it continued to improve and evolve. But one thing still didn't change, the one-on-one work structure. And even on the days I've been working five to six days for years, and during the COVID years, seven days a week, I was working again, one-on-one. And recently, this is just few days ago, two events happened, Kali Chaudas and Diwali. Kali Chaudas is the time when we sit with our shadow, sit with our darkness, and that's the night of Kali.
It's a dark and intense night, but it helps you to understand the stories, the experiences you're avoiding and what you are ready to let go. And the next night is Diwali the night of colors and playfulness. And that's the night when you celebrate the abundance material, emotional, creative, spiritual, abundance, all of that, every bit of it. So, during that time, I sat with this energy and one question showed up that recently I have felt very burnt out at times with work, and yet I'm not changing the way I'm offering the work. And also in the last few days, I spoke to the tribe, the first call happened, and I cannot tell you the joy, the excitement I felt speaking to those. The call went on for two hours and I could have spoken for the next two hours without break, and I had to end it because I was like, it's two hours. I don't want to over give and overdo this. I want them to receive at their pace. So, I ended after two hours. And the question in my mind was why I continue to stick to one-on-one?
Sure, there are certain students who are like my soul family at any cost, I want them to win. I'll go out of my way to make them win. I absolutely love them. But then of course, in any work, any business, you have people that there may not be 10/10 alignment. Maybe the alignment is less, but that's fine. It comes with a package. But there was something deeper that I knew, something that I need to sit with at least now, at least after 14 years, because also my personal work in the last year and a half has been to sit with a lot of the stuff that I've hidden in the basement, or maybe I have not hidden it. Maybe it was always there. I just never went there. Or maybe I was aware it's there, I never opened the basement. So, when I sat with this question on one of those nights, the dark nights where you sit with the shadow, and when I'm meditated, why I'm still doing the one-on-one? I didn't get any answer, but I saw something.
I saw myself. I was probably 5-year-old or even younger, and I saw myself in that one room house where we lived after we had to leave the village home. I vaguely remember the village home. It was huge house, prosperous, happy ,people would line up to see my father, my grandfather, that I don't remember I was a baby, but I heard countless stories from strangers that that's what used to happen. Helicopter would come to pick my father from this tiny village because politicians wanted him, they needed his advice. And Dad was 24 or 25 then. And then the political unrest happened in Northern India. Terrorism happened and everything changed for people there. My father who's seen as the religious leader, he had to leave the village. I had to, I mean, I was still under five, I think I was probably 2-year-old or 1-year-old when I moved to my nanny's, my grandma's place, and my mother was with my sister. And then my mother came to the little town where we lived for rest of the time.
And we lived in these houses for quite a long time with one room, that's all one room, two room, tiny dark spaces. And I don't have fun memories because I think I never liked the tight spaces maybe, or maybe it reminded me of how much of my energy shrinking, how much I don't want to be with this loud noise because it was rented house and the other family also lived in the house. I have memories of feeling insecure, hearing from people, you don't have your own house hearing from people. You don't have money, you don't have enough space, you don't have TV, you don't have this and that. And perhaps this is the reason that by the time we got out of the house, but I was in middle school, eighth grade, I used to read every business book by the time I was in eighth grade.
And perhaps the reason was I never wanted to be poor, never wanted to experience that state of lack of abundance, lack of money. And when I left Wall Street and moved into this space, my only and the biggest fear was whether this will be financially all right. Thankfully, the family had moved out of that house. My father experienced peaks of new success and glory and fame and everything, but this was my journey. I didn't want to let my family know that I'm filled with fear as I leave Wall Street and move into this space of spirituality. And the only way of offering this work was a one-on-one, and I stick to it. And now after 14 years, things have changed significantly. Totally, everything has changed. And yet I was with one-on-one. So, when I meditated and I saw the little me in that tiny house standing behind a pillar, more like hiding behind the pillar, and I realized, oh, it's because of you.
I'm still offering and sticking to this one-on-one model, because it's safe at this point. It's secure, and you need security I know. You don't want to be in that space. I get you, dude. But then I also invited Kali energy. I'm like, it's because of this little dude that I'm doing things that I can now let go. Because the truth is, if you do not sit with the darkness, the unconsciousness of your inner child, you will continue to do things that will hurt you or that will limit your growth, that will limit your expression. So, as I sat with little CB, that's what I call my inner child, I told him, look, I know what has happened. I know you have seen, heard and experienced a lot of crazy stuff, but guess what? All of that is gone. Everything is gone. Today the life is different for everyone who was a bit scared, a bit afraid when you were little.
Now everyone is in a much different space. And above all, I'm in a different space now. I'm doing things to dismantle the old, I'm moving into my self-expression. I'm so proud of the work that has happened through me in the last 14 years. So, let's get you out of this little home. Let's get you out of the pillar. You're hiding behind and let's walk, let's run. Let's breathe openly. And that's all that happened on that night. And I slept. And from next day onward, I can't tell you how heartwarming, vulnerable, and excited I started to feel to do things that I just want to do and to create experiences that are from joy, and to change the way I offer my work. Because sticking to only one-on-one was my, for the lack of better word, a trauma response. I'm saying lack of better word because I'm sure there's some other signs in psychology happening there. But it was a response out of a certain trauma, fear, anxiety, insecurity.
And when I started to shift my energy, I realized, my goodness, there is so much more I want to offer and create. And I'm not abandoning the one-on-one, but I want to offer one-on-one to the students and seekers who are dealing with intense high level stuff, and I can reserve that energy for them. And for the other students, I want to create the Tantra Mastermind, a group experience where we drop our mask and many calls will not even be recorded, and we'll just sit in the vulnerability and change the energy shift. The energy and drive is obviously happening. And the reason why all of this is happening, it's a response to my darkness, to my shadow. Now, what it means for you, it means that there are certain nights of darkness. There are certain nights of colorful playfulness energy. I want to teach you how you can sit with both and change your story.
So, the first part here is what's what would be called as the night of darkness. Now, darkness here obviously is the womb energy, when the seed is planted in the soil, in the darkness, when you are in your mother's womb, all of those are dark spaces, but they are the spaces of growth, nurturing a certain life energy in you. So, days like let's say a night before Navaratri three begins a night before Diwali, which is called Kali Chaudas, New Moon, when you cannot see the moon, that's the dark night, a Halloween night. Any night where in your culture they honor the sacredness, the darkness, those are the nights my friend where you sit with your journal, you meditate, you release the stored emotions in the body, and you tell yourself that I'm sitting with you today. I am ready to release what's not serving me. I'm ready to sit with the unconscious, unresolved moments of my journey that are ready to move.
One of the fun question here is maybe not so much fun, but it's really important. If you had to secretly kill your vision and dreams, how would you do it? And I want you to write down the dream and how would you systematically ruin it? Because that will help you to sit with your shadow and understand. And I've mentioned this question before, I believe on the podcast. So, if I want to write down script, a movie script, how would I ruin this dream of writing the script? So my mind can give me seven reasons, but that's the work I'm avoiding. Anything you're avoiding, anything that triggers you, annoys you, irritates you. That's where the magic is waiting to happen. So, those are the dark nights where you write release a lot of that shadow, a lot of that heavy stored up energy. This is the moment where we become comfortable with the discomfort, where we honor the suppressed self, where we have compassion for the inner child, even compassion for the people who messed it up for us because they did it out of their unconsciousness.
And a powerful meditation on these nights could be the goddess meditation, goddess Kali meditation. The reason Kali is blue and black, because she has the ability and the power to consume everything that is not serving you, to drink the poison and toxins that are depleting you. So again, nights like Kali Chaudas, a night before Navaratri, New Moon, and any night where most likely you can't see the moon or where there is simply darkness that you feel either within or in the collective, do not run away from it. Do not be angry with it. Do not hide it, because that's where the magic, the healing, the expansion needs to happen. Even Mercury retrograde, I've made many jokes on it in the past, but yeah, they're dry now for me, so I won't make a joke again. But yeah, mercury, retrograde, new Moon, that's the night. Now, what follows after this is the night of playfulness, Diwali, Navaratri, Full Moon, new Year, your birthday. These are the nights when the planets are shifting for you in a very powerful way.
And this is when you sit and write down the 2.0 version of who you want to be. This is the time when you write down how I want to show up for my inner self, how I want to show up for my relationships, for my sensuality. And there's a possible chance you might experience a wave, a shift in your sexual expression and energy, because sexual energy is such a potent energy that lives in us, and we are either obsessed or suppressing it. And when you sit and do this work, a lot of that stored up lust, stored up hidden feelings about sexual pleasure and all of that start to show up. Anger shows up, rage and sexuality shows up very often, but this is where you honor yourself. You honor your needs, your desires. You meditate on the why of things for you. And if you play your cards right, the colorful playful nights become the night of abundance, and Diwali is the abundant night. But abundance here does not mean just generating wealth. It doesn't mean being successful in society because to be honest, the society's definition of success, it's so shallow.
So, half baked, you don't want to be that person. The real abundance is a balance between the material abundance, spiritual abundance, creative abundance, and emotional abundance. The material abundance is where you have a comfortable lifestyle, where you generate your generous energy, where you generate the possessions that make you feel safe and fun. So, it's very interesting by the way, I mentioned I saw the little CB in that tiny little space, and it made me realize every apartment I have lived as an adult, I've always asked them, is there a slightly bigger room, a slightly bigger space? And they'll be like, yeah, there is, but you'll be paying extra $300, extra $500, a little bit extra and you don't need it. But I would insist on taking it, even if it's costing me extra. And I used to think, maybe I like that bigger space or something. But meditating on this question of why I am still offering my work the way I do it made me realize, oh, little CB always wanted that extra space because he hated the tiny dark rooms.
So, material abundance here gives you the safety, the nice clothes, a comfortable home shelter on your... Safe roof, all of those good things. Number two, the spiritual abundance. That's where your spiritual awakening, the divine consciousness starts to speak through you, starts to expand through you. This is where your Sadhana becomes so powerful. And then of course, the creative abundance. This is where you tell your stories, create your art without fear of competition, without fear of that insecurity. This is great for storytellers and artists. And the final one, of course is the emotional abundance where you're redefining how you want to receive and give love. And it's not a fantasy of fairytale kind of love. It's the safe love. The healthy love. It's the love where your pleasure, your needs, your desires are treated in a very respectful way, where you are honored and seen in a way that liberates you.
But my friend, it begins from you. So, don't expect someone else to magically show up and give you that emotional safety. First you have to give it to yourself. First you have to create a standard that others can match to. So, fun assignment for you. It's to not complicate this, not overthink this, but simply start to meditate on what stories and experiences you're hiding, what thoughts you're storing up in the subconscious cluttered basement. And then use the next meditation the next day to meditate on how do I cultivate the material spiritual, creative, emotional abundance. It's challenging but fun. It's rewarding. It's not complex. If this feels complex, read it again.
Listen to the episode again and dive into it again and again, because this is the most powerful and rewarding self-healing work you can do. And those who need more support, I hugely recommend you to join the Tantra Tribe. It's at $27 per month. That's the current price of membership. It's a no-brainer investment. What you will get out of it is a systematic way of going into Tantra principles like these, understanding so much more about Tantra goddesses, and really curating a life that you deserve, that you're ready for. And those who are ready for a much deeper, deeper dive into the self-healing than Tantra Mastermind is for you, where we have four calls per month, group calls where we dive into collective and individual healing. And the investment for Tantra Mastermind because it's introductory, the investment is also going to be no-brainer for you. It'll be hard for you to say no to it. That's the plan. I hope this episode has given you something to think about, something to reflect on, something to empower you. Be safe, be well, and do let me know what you think of this episode.
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